Its All About Abandonment
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Why Some Black Males Are Abandoning Society for Prison
By: J. Ray Rice, M.S.W., A.C.S.W.


 

 

As a black male who has devoted his life in the service of others I cannot shy away or apologize for what I am about to say.

American society has abandoned black males and black males have abandoned American society and themselves! Let me explain:

  1. “You cannot give what you do not have! You cannot take someone else to a point or level that you have not achieved.” Many Black males are suffering from abandonment issues caused by the acts and polices of racism in America. As I explained in the examples of What is Abandonment, racism affects ones’ sense of self. It diminishes ones sense of his or her self-esteem and self-worth. When an individual feel that they are not loved or valued in a society it affects their ability to care for themselves, bond and care for others. Since they are not equal citizens in their society then sometimes, some individuals do not value their contribution or role in that society. They feel abandoned by that society that does not treat them equal or provide them the same opportunities, which others enjoy. Some react by not caring what they do, what others think of them, or their behaviors! This is a lasting outcome of the policies and actions of institutional racism in any country. It is difficult to care for others when you perceive that others do not care for you. If you have not had the opportunity to hear the most important speech on race of our generation by U. S. Presidential Candidate Barack Obamaplease take the time and listen. You may be able to identify your own prejudice and abandonment issue.
  2. Some black males are suffering from abandonment of their fathers. When a child has been abandoned or neglected by their father, they have a feeling of diminished self-worth. They think and feel that if their own father did not want them then they could not have any value. Many never get over this major abandonment event and it affects their sense of self-worth for the rest of their lives. Many males are provided with a corrective learning experience by a loving mother, stepfather, uncle, or grandparents. Sometimes some males will treat sex and having babies in the same fashion, the way they were born. Love them and leave them.
  3. Some black women are suffering from abandonment of their fathers and this affects them and their male children. When women do not have their father present during their growth and development, they can have a damage sense of self and self-worth. Many times they will choose men who cheap on them or abandon them after they are pregnant. They may chose men who abuse or neglect them, because that is what their father did by not being in their lives. Many black male children and adolescents are angry with their mothers for not having their father presents in their life. They long for that father-son bonding relationship. Some will express this anger toward other women and treat them with the same disrespect their father gave their mother and abandon them after sex or fail to commit to any one sexual partner. Thus, repeating the same cycle from one generation of children to the next! “You cannot give what you do not have.” These individuals need a corrective learning experience to enhance their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth.
  4. Some black men and women are producing children without the benefit of committed parents in a marriage.
    1. The children feel abandoned! They experience this feelings every time they thing about it. They experience these feelings of abandonment every time they see others children with their parents. They experience feelings of abandonment every time they watch a commercial on television showing a family scene. They can feel abandon for the rest of they live, if they do not have a corrective learning experience that provides them with a sense of self-worth.
    2. This abandonment experience produces girls that do not know what a healthy black male is to provide and act in a committed marriage and leaves them with unresolved abandonment issues.
    3. This same act does not provide a role model for black males to produce children in a committed marriage with only that wife and this leave them with unresolved abandonment issues.
    4. Most important having children without the benefit of marriage produces children who sometimes do not know how to maintain a family of their own.
    5. This abandonment of the family sometimes produces parents that name their children names without roots in their hereditary. Sometimes these changes are not grounded in traditions or hereditary.
    6. This abandonment event contributes to children having children. They do not know how to be close to another person in a friendship level without sex. This has produced extended family with three generation of female head household with the grandparents being in their early forties.
  5. Some black males are abandonment society. Their father did care enough for them to be in their life, so why should they care about someone else? No one cared about them! I hope that you are you as outraged as I am that 1 out of every 9 black males between the ages of 20 to 34 are in jail or prison in America. If the video in this link does not show how a society can allow law enforcement offices to use their patrol car to run down black youths, I do not know what does. One officer was given a three-day suspension and the other driver was ordered into stress management. Some people made a conscious decision to introduce crack cocaine into the black community for their own selfish needs. These individuals did what hundred of years of slavery could not do. Drugs have help to destroy the black family and the black males who could not find a job and decides to sell drugs. Here are the unemployment rates for blacks.
  6. Some black males have abandoned themselves. This is the worst effect of these unresolved abandonment issues and experiences. Since we develop our sense of self from the love and caring of our parents first and they our society, being abandoned by our father and then by our society lowers our self-esteem and in-turn we abandoned ourselves. “You see if we feel that you do not love us, then we will have trouble loving myself!”
    1. Gangs for some black youth have replaced the feeling of abandonment for the love, protection, structure, and acceptance once found in the home.
    2. Pathology from unresolved abandonment issues and experiences has spilled over into sexual behavior, music, speech, morals, dress, relationships, and television has replaced the normal of responsible people who cared about how they look, and behaved in public. We have developed a culture that sees and feels no shame in going on national television to be exposed and exploded for ratings. You do not respect yourself by exposing to the public your most private and deepest secrets of humiliation and shame and then reveling in it
    3. Black males must be provided with corrective learning experiences so they can learn how to care about themselves first, and then learn how to care for others. “You cannot give what you do not have. You cannot take someone else to a point or level you have not reached yourself!”
    4. Black males have abandoned themselves by calling themselves and other black males the “n” word! The use of this word cannot be changed. You do not change history by repeating history! We must correct people when we hear them use the “n” word. If the meaning of the word has changed then you would not be offended when non-blacks call you the “n” word! If the meaning of the word has changed then allow anybody, anywhere, at time, and as often as they want to call you the “n” word!
    5. I want every black male to practice the mirror exercise! Three times a day you are to stand in front of a mirror and do nothing but give yourself good positive commits! No negatives! In addition, since you are in front of the mirror pull up your pants, put on a belt and give yourself some respect! The result of this will change how you see and feel about yourself. Someone else cannot change how you feel about yourself. Only you can do that. Black males must understand if you want respect from society, you must show respect for yourself first. Someone else cannot give you what you cannot or will not give yourself!
  7. Some black males have abandoned society. The reason black males have abandoned society is because society has abandoned them. If the U.S., want to go after black males and bring them back into society it has the resources to do that. The question it must answer is that does it have the will to bring them back in? It can start with changing the drug sentencing laws.
  8. Some black males have abandoned education. Some black males have abandoned education and accepted sounding uneducated.
  9. Black males have abandoned their culture. Our ancestors who have survived slavery and racism to rise above their challengers in life must take action today to restore pride in black males and the society they live in.

Time is running out. What are you doing to do to reduce the rate of 1 out of 9 black males between the ages of 20 - 34 being in jails or prisons in the U.S.? Moreover, if you think that it will not affect other race in America you are wrong. What is happening to black males in America will also happen to males in other races. Hispanic males 18 and older are in jails and prison at the rate of 1 out of 36. Just look at the numbers and ask yourself what will they be in 10-years?

We must assist people to identify and address their unresolved abandonment issues before they kill themselves and us in the process. Remember, the people we are putting our jails and prisons are coming out worst than they were before they when in. In my book, this means that we are failing, not succeeding. Get the point? 


                                    "Those that are the hardest to love, 
                                                    Need it the most!"
                                        
                                                            
Peaceful Warrior

 
  

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