Its All About Abandonment
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J. Ray Rice, M.S.W., A.C.S.W.

The first thing you can do to reduce the pain and impact of abandonment feelings, events, and experiences is to acknowledge there presence in your life and in the actions of all communications, interactions, and relationships. Our learning community is present for the purpose of assisting people in their understanding of abandonment and how unresolved abandonment issues can affect one's sense of self and our ability to bond and love if left untreated. In some cases unresolved abandonment issues can lead to the development of pathology in people. 

All species that experience emotions and protect their young  may be able to experience feelings of abandonment. Animal shown on television show abandonment behavior and mourn the separation and death of their young and their young exhibit the same feelings for them include the following: 

  • African Penguins - and other penguins will kidnap the egg or baby chick if they lose their
  • Cockatoos - raised by humans become aggressive to other humans when their owner abandon them
  • Dogs - tear up your home when you leave them
  • Cats - urinate on your clothes when you leave them
  • Bobcats - continue for days calling out for their young when they go missing
  • Tigers - continue for days calling out for their young when they go missing
  • Hippopotamus
  • Foxes - continue for days calling out for their young when they go missing
  • Wolfs - continue for days calling out for their young when they go missing
  • Cheetahs - continue for days calling out for their young when they go missing
  • Jaguars - continue for days calling out for their young when they go missing
  • Leopards - continue for days calling out for their young when they go missing
  • Lions - continue for days calling out for their young when they go missing
  • Meerkats - continue for days calling out for their young when they go missing
  • Gorillas and Primates - will kidnap another's baby when they lose their
  • Humans - experience a lifetime sense of loss and separation

I make this point to assist you to understand that abandonment feelings, events, and experiences are normal and unavoidable. I have found that there are things one can do to reduce there frequency of reaction to abandonment and lessen there severity. Understand that it takes a strong person to look at themselves!

  1. Seek professional assistance when you find that your abandonment issues are affecting our ability to relate and trust others.
  2. Seek professional assistance when you find that members of your family are having a difficult time with abandonment issues and experiences.
  3. Join our learning community by going to my blog and signing up for updates by subscribing via email, as well as signing up on Facebook and joining our learning community. On Facebook just search for my name: J. Ray Rice and join the group: It Is All About Abandonment.
  4. Read and comment on each article that is posted on the blog to increase your learning and understanding of abandonment.
  5. Beware of the effects of your behaviors and communications and how they can affect other people feeling abandonment.
  6. Beware that people can interpret your actions as abandoning them, clarify your behaviors and actions with them so they don't process your interactions by themselves. 
  7. Take responsible for your sexual behavior and only produce children within a marriage with the understanding of how important it is for the mental health of your child to grow-up in an intact family with loving parents. You can't take someone else to a point and level you haven't reach yourself.
  8. Think about what you say to others. It is irresponsible to talk without thinking or being concerned about how another person may feel about what you say. Words hurt and can damage another persons feelings and self-esteem. Children are more sensitive to your words because they love you unconditionally and what you think of them is their whole world and it will stay with them for the rest of their life. Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, sometime worst. Scars on the outside will heal, but scars on the inside remain open. Only you can't see the damage you have done because they love you and don't want to show their hurt and when they do if you dismiss their feelings you just made it worst!
  9. Learn to apologize whenever and to whomever you offend! Saying, I am sorry are the most healing words beside, I love you that a person can say and mean.
  10. Share your experiences with others. Writing and sharing painfully experiences is an excellent healing tool. I need examples of the abandonment issues, experiences, and events that I am listing in the articles. You can assist in spreading the understanding of these experiences by sharing yours. Please chose an item, including its number and share your experience with that event. I will add your experience to the examples.
  11. Tell everyone you know about this site. Send an email to everyone you know asking them to read and comment on the articles @ http://blog.itsallaboutabandonment.com/
  12. Join or donate money to organizations like: Women's Fund of Miami-Dade County who assisted in making Bridging The Gap. You can look-up an organization like this in your own county and give to them. If you don't have one let them assist you in starting one.
  13. Adopt a homeless person or family! Take the homeless off the streets by committing to assisting one person or one family back on their feet. You can pay for a hotel room for a month, buy them food, buy them clothes and give them the money to wash them. You can sponsor them in an AA or NA meeting. You can drive them to seek assistance or get a job. You can care enough to work with them to regain their ability to care for themselves.       
  14. Adopt a Foster Kid! Give a kid a home and family to love.  

 

 

Please check back for more! 

                                                                                       

    
      

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